I started this article while I was sitting in the hair salon I go to waiting for Angie to finish up someone else's hair cut. I am next. We are heading off on a family vacation for 2 weeks and this is my vacation hair cut. Angie was part of the They Like Jesus But Not The Church DVD that came out a couple of months ago and we filmed one scene in this salon.

I listened to a radio program that had the host talking about this very clip, and saying how silly it is to want to listen to those outside the church because "of course, they will hate us!" (meaning people who are not Christians naturally won't like the church). I find that so incredibly bizarre, as anyone who is a missionary of course studies the culture, gets to learn the values and thinking of the people, what they think or already know of Christians and Christianity. I do not suggest conforming to culture, but I strongly suggest listening to culture as to know how best to address and respond to the questions they are asking or opinions of Christians and the church that they have. Also when Jesus talked about people hating His followers, it wasn't for the same reasons most don't like Christians today. They don't like us today not because of acknowledging Jesus is Lord and not Caesar etc. but for our attitudes and finger-pointing mentality,  how we are portrayed and seen in media which normally isn't accurate for most, but because that's all they see, that's all they then think.

But, they respect what they know of Jesus. And I get criticized for saying that and some have said they make up a Jesus that isn't the real one, so of course "they like Jesus" . I know full well that the "Jesus" some describe is not the full biblical Jesus - but even if there is a respect for Jesus, it is a great starting point to begin talking about the biblical Jesus.

What I hope is that we who are Christians will develop a good response theologically and practically to these questions that are raised. Give an apology where needed when the church or Christians have done stinky things. And give an apologetic where needed, in explaining why we believe that Jesus is the only way and addressing the other issues commonly raised.

We need to listen to people outside of the church. It doesn't mean we change our beliefs. But it may mean we change how we go about explaining and communicating the beliefs. I got a rather critical email just today, saying that it seemed like I was compromising truth by having empathy and being soft and tolerant of sinners. This was from reading an article in the Christian Post that was written this morning based from an interview I did and the writer also went to our web site and my blog. The article was about gay marriage and I responded to the person who emailed me by saying:

My point however in that interview, is that many Christians have had very poor ways of communicating that, teaching about this often with poor hermeneutical skills quoting verses without looking and teaching how they fit in the rest of the context they are in the section of the Bible – and overall our attitudes have not been too loving or attempting to understand what it is like having same-sex attraction. If you know someone who struggles with alcohol, as a friend or family member, it then changes your attitude and temperament of how you talk about alcoholism. It isn’t just “those sinning drunk people!” it becomes a matter of broken-heartedness for them.

All I know is that we have a lot of serving yet to do on the mission ahead of us. But people are worth it. People are worth the criticism. (Not all criticism is bad. We need criticism. Criticism makes you do self-checks which is healthy. But there are varying types of criticism and informed and misinformed criticism). But despite the criticism, when you hear stories of people coming to faith in Jesus, then all the criticism all falls into perspective. Nothing thrills me more than listening to the stories of how people became Christians. I have got to hear a bunch of stories recently, and when you hear people's stories of how they came to faith in Jesus, especially those raised outside of the church - you hear stories of loving, kind, winsome Christians who were in their lives who didn't do all the talking, but listened to them. Had dialog. Cared about them. Hung out with them. Discussed theological issues when they came up. Stuck with their friends even if they didn't "go to church" when first invited.

Those people to me are heroes of the faith. The ones who may be quiet in personality, or the ones not on the stages at churches - but the ones who are passionately praying for their friends who aren't Christians. The ones who study theology so they are able to give some answers when people ask them for the hope they have (1 Peter 3:15). But how can they ask us for the hope we have, if they don't know us enough to see that hope and then ask us? That is why I am so convinced we need to be more relationally missional in our culture today as trust has to be built. Yes, people will still reject the gospel - but I hope if we care about people and have responses to address their understandable stereotypes, that instead of saying we are homophobic, judgmental, arrogant etc. - even if they do not believe in the gospel, but they will describe Christians as people filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Dan Kimball is the author of numerous books, including They Like Jesus But Not the Church. He is also the pastor of Vintage Faith Church in Santa Cruz, California.